Class Dismissed

This evening was our last class for this session.  I’m still amazed at the amount of guys that show up for the class, even on the last night.

It was bittersweet.  Some of these guys I may never run into again.  I love to hear about their “story”.  Most of the guys in this group/program all have an interesting story.  In many cases, a very inspirational story.

Since being “inside the walls” for several weeks .. it’s difficult to view these guys as “felons”.  Which in my opinion is God changing my heart.  These guys are people.  That have made poor choices.

I feel like without this experience, or rather opportunity … I wouldn’t have had a chance to see these guys in “God’s Eyes”.  I’m so so very thankful for the fact that this was laid on my heart.  I feel so blessed to be able to see the world (even if just this little piece of the world) through God’s eyes. 

No longer does it matter what they did to be sitting where they are sitting.

No longer do I care that they are wearing Khakis and a white t-shirt.

No longer do I judge them for where they reside.

 

Here is what I see when I sit at a table with 20 “offenders”:

I see Grace.  I see hurt in their faces.  I see regret and remorse. 

I see perfection, as I know these men were created perfectly by God. 

I see myself at times, knowing I’ve made some really dumb decisions in my life.  Just not the same ones that these guys have.

I see hope.

I see Faith.

…but most importantly I see God.  In each and every one of them.  I see myself serving God.  Sacrificing a couple hours of my time once a week to hang out with God.  To use his eyes to look at these men with sheer perfection.

I see these men, all dressed alike, losing almost all of their dignity and rights – humiliated before us … seeking help and guidance.  Trying to be better people and accepting that their past was not the right one, but one that was watched over by God .. to bring them to the place they are now.

 

Would you believe that when asked this question in my class – the MAJORITY of the men raised their hand:

“How many of you know you’d be dead if it weren’t for getting locked up?”

Almost all of the hands raised in the air.

These men are thankful for the fact that they got “caught”.  THAT is the first step, in my opinion.

I know, this is only 20 guys in a facility that houses nearly 2000 men.

But it’s a step.

And I’m so thankful for the chance to be there.

Finding God

I continue to be moved and inspired every time I go to the prison to volunteer.

Last night, I had a different group of men, filling in temporarily until their normal volunteer leader.  One guy seemed really open and had a lot of knowledge about the bible and growing in Him.

The other guy was very quiet.

When the quiet guy finally opened up … what he said nearly brought me to tears.

I have struggled a lot in the past with my sin.  The fact that I have two kids and have never been married.  Up until the last year or two … I have realized through God’s grace … that I am forgiven and I’m clean again.  The more I beat myself up about my past  and my current circumstances, the less I am trusting the God that forgives me.

I went into this volunteering at the prison with a humble heart.  ..realizing that there is no degree to sin.  You either sin or you don’t.  God doesn’t have a ranking system.  With that being said, the guys that are in prison doing time are no different than me.  I’ve made some really crappy choices in my life and have paid the price in one way or another. 

We got on the subject of that last night and the quiet gentleman opened up to us.  He has 3 daughters and grandchildren.  He’s been in and out of prison/jail for several years.  And has always had an issue with alcoholism and drugs.  We talked about how all of our life experiences lead us to the next one and that everything in our life serves a purpose.

For him, being a former crack addict and alcoholic, he wants to try to reach some of his friends that are making the same mistakes that he did.  He also said that a lot of his friends have died as a result of this lifestyle and now their teenage/young adult children are making the same mistakes.  Once he’s out of prison, he wants to set up a program for juveniles and try to reach them.

..and that’s exactly what God would want.  He wants to use him and his past mistakes to bring more people to Him.

To me, that makes so much sense.  You couldn’t send me into a group of young adult drug users to try to preach about God’s Grace.  Why?  Because i’ve never done drugs.  I truly dont’ understand that addiction, so I wouldn’t be a good tool.  But this guy will be an excellent one.

He told of a story in jail that was a defining moment for him.  His name is John.

He said that he’d never had any respect for child molesters.  Word around the jail was that there was a child molester that was there at the time.  One night, a bunch of guys came up to him and told him that they had a plan to “stomp” the child molester.  John said something in him told him not to do that, and he knows it was the Holy Spirit guiding him. 

Later that night/early morning about 4 a.m. John was sitting at a table out in the commons area reading his bible.  The molester walked over to him and asked what he was reading.  When John realized what the molester had asked, he also realized that he didn’t know how to read.  They sat all night and talked about the bible, Jesus and forgiveness.

Later that night, John looked out his window into the commons area and saw that man on his knees praying to God, tears streaming down his face.

He was forgiven.

And John was humbled.

 

Those stories touch me so much and remind me that his sins are no worse than mine.

I’m continuously thankful for this opportunity to serve God in this capacity.

Night #2

Again, I was greeted by handshakes and thank-you’s from the men.

Whether or not they truly mean it, I don’t know… but I do know that it feels like they are being genuine.

I had my own group tonight because one of the volunteers wasn’t able to make it.

It was so nice.

We discussed temptation.

And how we are all faced with it.

These guys are hungry.

They want to know God.  And to know that they have a purpose outside the walls of that prison.

 

I’m so inspired.

And so thankful that God is using me in this way.

My First Experience

Tonight I arrived at the prison and was greeted by 4 other Volunteers and approximately 20 inmates.  I’ll be honest.  I wasn’t sure what to expect.

The “class” is focused on The Purpose Driven Life… A book that I’ve read before and enjoyed very much.

This was exactly what I was hoping for in this experience.  It was right then that I knew … this was orchestrated by God.

Each of the men shook my hand and thanked me for being there.

All hungry souls for God.

We broke into groups, since it was my first night, i sat with another volunteer and his group.

We talked about 3 chapters of the book, did some life application and ended the class about 2 hours later.

At the end of the class, all of the men once again shook my hand and thanked me (in what i feel was a genuine and respectful way) for being there.

The class started and ended with a prayer, given by one of the men.

I was deeply moved by their prayer, thanking God for the fact that we (the volunteers) were all there, sacrificing our families to be there with them.  I was moved.

Again, I knew I was there for God.

I’m still not sure how this will all work, but I do know that if i could just touch one of their lives.

Just one.

My purpose would be done.